"Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood." - Pam Leo
"The level of cooperation parents get from their children is usually equal to the level of connection children feel with their parents." - Pam Leo
Pam Leo is a founding board member of the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children (aTLC) and is one of the the primary architects of the aTLC Proclamation and Blueprint. The aTLC has generously posted a free, one-hour streaming audio in-studio interview (MP3) on their website. Please click the following link if you would like to hear the interview. The link will open in a new page:
What is Connection Parenting?
"Connection parenting is parenting through connectioninstead of coercion, through love instead of fear."
The model of parenting most of us grew up with was authoritarian parenting, which is based on fear. Some of us may have grown up with permissive parenting, which is also based on fear. Authoritarian parenting is based on the child's fear of losing the parent's love. Permissive parenting is based on the parent's fear of losing the child's love. Connection parenting is based on love instead of fear.
Connection Parenting recognizes that securing and maintaining a healthy parent-child bond is our primary work as parents and the key to our children's optimal human development. Our effectiveness as parents is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond we have with our child. Connection Parenting promotes parenting practices that support a strong, healthy parent-child bond.
Both authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting are reactive. Connection parenting is proactive. Rather than focusing on ways to discipline children when their feelings of disconnection result in uncooperative or unacceptable behavior, Connection Parenting focuses on ways to maintain and increase the parent-child bond/connection.
Connection parenting is an ideal, a navigation star we can look to for guidance. Whenever we question how to respond to a child we can ask ourselves, will this response create a connection or a disconnection. We feel connected when we feel listened to and loved. We feel disconnected when we feel hurt and unheard.
Sometimes a child's behavior will push our buttons and we react rather than respond. As soon as we realize we have created a disconnect, we can reconnect by doing the following:
Rewind - Acknowledge we have said or done something hurtful
Repair - Apologize and ask for forgiveness
Replay - Respond with love and listening
Even if we can't parent in the most nurturing ways all the time, the more often we can, the more our children get what they need, the better they will be able to weather the times when we parent in less nurturing ways.
Pam Leo is an affiliate of the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children ( aTLC ).
To learn more about parenting practices that support healthy bonding, please see the Proclamation and Blueprint for Transforming the Lives of Children at the aTLC website:
http://www.atlc.org/
Pam Leo speaks on Parenting Advice:
A parenting philosophy is relevant only to the extent that itpromotes parenting practices which support secure bonding.
Our effectiveness as parents is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond we have with our child. Securing and maintaining that bond is our primary work as parents and is the key to optimal human development.
Parents often tell me that they find parenting advice to be confusing and contradictory. They ask, "How do I tell the difference between 'good' parenting advice and 'bad' parenting advice? One expert or book says to do one thing and another tells me to do the exact opposite? How am I to know what is best for my child?"
My best answer to that question is the question I ask myself: "If I follow this advice, will I create a connection or a disconnection with my child?" When a parent's behavior creates a connection, the child feels that the parent is on his side, and their bond and connection is strengthened. When a parent's behavior creates a disconnection, the child feels that the parent is against him, and their bond and connection is weakened. Since parents' effectiveness is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond and connection they have with their child, any advice that undermines the strength of that bond is counterproductive.
"In any interaction with a child, will my words or actions strengthen or weaken our connection?" - Pam Leo
Pam Leo - Connection Parenting
Attn: Magnolia
10 Old Orchard Road
Gorham, Maine 04038
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